Saturday, August 24, 2013

Nelson's Death

I HATE when my phone rings in the middle of the night. Like, hate it in the gives me mini-panic attacks way. With babies as medically fragile as ours can be, things can just change so fast. And when my phone starts ringing, it usually means something's changed.

When I went home last night, Nelson was doing so much better. He had just gotten his antibiotic injection, was grinning again, and was seemingly out of the woods. 

But when my phone rang, it was an auntie telling me he couldn't breathe. I rushed up there, totally tingling from being awakened from sleep. I found him struggling, gasping for breath. We rushed to the clinic and he still looked like death. But he was given some high doses of IV antibiotics and started on oxygen, and at about 4 he was looking bright and alert again.

Sweet Nelsie boy
Then, out of nowhere he spiked a high fever and from that point on we knew he wouldn't make it. He looked horrible and nothing they tried was working. We were all set and ready to refer him to Zimba hospital, but as we were about to start off he died. And our hearts are broken.

On the car ride rushing him to the clinic, I just kept saying out loud to God, "You are good. I know you can heal. You are good. I know you can heal. You are good. I know you can heal." I know God didn't need to hear those affirmations from me, but I guess I needed to remind myself that He can heal, and even when he doesn't heal on earth, He's still good. Over and over again I have to remind myself that. I hate that I forget that, that I'm so quick to start questioning what He's doing and why.

The craziest thing is that Nelson, our premature little baby boy died today. And not an hour after I had dropped him off at the mortuary, a new premature baby boy, born at around 7 months gestation, arrived named Malachi. He's in the incubator now.

God surely does give and take away. And He's always good. 
Malachi, one week old

5 comments:

  1. ....so sorry.... Isn't it wonderful to know that there is no death, sickness or suffering in heaven!! Another comforting thought: Christians never say good-bye for the last time...Praise God! There are many babies that will welcome you when you enter heaven Meagan...hopefully not for many, many years. And so wonderful that they are safe in the arms of Jesus. You are often in our thoughts and prayers, Meagan. God Bless you! The Lohrdings

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  2. Our home group prayed for you and the aunties last night, Meagan. Several of us had read your blog and were so sad hearing about Nelson and thinking about the grief you all feel. I don't know if it helps, but one member believes our answer in these times is in Amy Grant's song 'Threaten Me with Heaven'. He talked about Nelson healthy and whole, being full of more joy than we can experience, experiencing more love than we can comprehend. Others talked about the need we have to grieve and slowly accept the above. Just wanted you to know that others care and are praying for you. Love, Donna H.

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  3. I look up to you and all that you do. You are such an encouragement to me! So sorry about Nelson.

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  4. Simply amazing what you are doing! God bless! In my prayers! Inspiring me to do the most good I possibly can!

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  5. I heard you were a teacher (not telling where because of locations thing) and i go to the same school. We are gonna do something but I can't tell what.

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